Truth.

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‘You are not beautiful, but I still find you beautiful.’
Those words hit me, I felt relieved for finally the truth has been told.

Thank you dear friend, for telling me what I’ve wanted to hear.
Following something I still will never believe.

It’s been so long since I’ve been told anything nice.
Weather its the truth or a lie.

I admit, I was happy for a second.
Happy that what I see is what everyone else sees.

Lie to me no more, I finally hold the truth within in.
Tell me what you may, let me accept what I will.

A reminder of a truth well hidden.
A flaw accepted.

A flaw that is me.

Evaporate.

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Trying to calm down.
Its tough, when your
emotions collide so hard
that your unsure which one
to try to control first.

Laughing while tears are falling,
fists clinched so tight,
If I had nails I’d be bleeding.

I am not hurt, I’m mad.
I’m so mad, not at you.
At myself. I knew
this would happen,
I knew I would be put aside.
Put back when I am no longer needed.
But I try. I try and all I do is try.

I am nothing but I still try.
Trying is all I know how to do.
I pure my soul into everyone
around me.
now its all dried out.
I am empty and holllow.

I gave you my all till there
is nothing left to find.
I wish my heart was breakable.
wish you broke my heart.
but its been crushed a long time ago.

My brain is exhausted.
My body is crashing
and my soul is no more.
Shut it all off and let me
Evaporate.

 

*Written in December of 2013 – found in Drafts.*

Five across.

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To belong is the ultimate goal,
admit it or deny, is not the point.

We all create a wall of people around us,
thinking this way, we’ve created our own world.
A place we can exists in freely.

What we do not know is that it is far from home.
Creating your own cancels out belonging in a world.
for a world is where you fit in without worry without pain,
not a place where you fit pieces of others into you. 

This world that you seek, is already created..
already exists, its only missing one more piece.
it is only missing you.

Counting the days, searching for the right path.
the only path.
One,
Two,
Three
Four
Five. 

One, Two, Three, Four and Five across. 

 

Creation.

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The creation of a being,
Not for the purpose of existing,
But for the purpose of building up
what can not stand on its own.

This creation is not to be loved,
nor to love.
Its only reality is not to have a reality of its own.

Like a painting, torn into pieces.
Only part that is intact is its frame.
The frame no one notices,
No one acknowledges. 

For it was a beauty is no beauty at all.
It is a hidden blasphemies guilt of all that is
and all that will not be.

In the creation of a shadow without a host
The shadow dies, as the run rose. 
What is it to do, for it is a truth hidden.
a lie believed and a scar healed. 

 

Sink.

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Tie weights on my feet. 
Watch them drag me down.
Watch the air escape my lungs,
one last time.
my eyes do not plead, 
for they are far too sad. 
they watch you, 
as you shrink.
As the love fades fades,
faster than the distance between us grows. 

I know you haven’t lost apart of yourself by losing me.
But I have lost most of myself by losing you.

You destroyed the middle. 
the in between, the unknown.
Only because you hate the pain,
of maybe being happy. 
You destroyed me. 
Only thing you can’t erase is
the bitter taste I left in your mouth. 

Soon you will forget.
You pushed me off,
You let me sink.
Knowing even if I could swim.
I wouldn’t.

All the pain you put me through,
is nothing, to the anguish of watching you walk away.
You did not wait, till my image completely vanished from the surface.

If you would have only asked me to jump,
instead of weighing me down. 
I would have already been at the bottom of the sea.

also, meh.

Blue Flames.

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Blazing fire
burning me from the inside.
I wish I started it.
Maybe then I could end it.

It grows.
I’m drowning in my own melting loss.
It knows I can’t decide.
to drown or burn.

It’s Blue.
Raring with rage the flames change.
from blinding Red to Comforting Blue.
It lies to me, to tricks me.

If only I knew that the Blue flames,
Burn with more fury than any other.

Follow the trail.
Find the start.
The beginning of my final story.
My ashes begin,
right under your feet.
My ashes end,
right under your feet.

The worst part.
You just stood there.
Watching.
The best part.
I didn’t move.
I stayed next to you.
As  promised.

Stay.

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A world without you.
A white flag left at your doorstep. Flowers and candles fill the path you’ve taken.
Alive are the words you wrote down Alive is the pain you’ve created inside of me.

What would life be when the last existing is now extinct?
Words turn from meaningful to empty. My core is burning with rage and grief.   You have not yet left and o can already feel the flames inside me grow. Intentions mean nothing when you are not around to justify them.
Once a  grown child that is no more Leaving behind a broken world With broken people Who finally fell apart   Take me with just don’t let me go. I’m not ready for your face to vanish For your warmth to seize From my words to turn to ash.
You will live on inside of my heart Cherished and remembered But it’s not enough
Live on with me and beside me.
Let life take its course Lets die in time Drown in our sorrows
Chock on our past
Let the world engulf us.

I wont let go.
Please, Stay.

Flames.

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A house, standing strong and beautiful ..
you’re in-front of it, watching.

watching the flames engulf it..
destroying it, yet its magnificent..

You want to run, save what you can,
your home is steps away, your palatalized..

paralyzed by its beauty or by its sadness?
aren’t they both one and the same?

I stand, watching the flames..
So close I can feel the heat ..

Look at that, how still it is,
while it slowly turns to ash..

It falls, as if in slow motion,
it crackles and breaks

You can no save it or what is inside of it
You can not turn the fire off

You are the fire,
You are furious.
You are the house ,
You are burning,
You are dying..
You are static,
You are watching
watching yourself burn
You are ash,
You are everything…
But now,
You are nothing.

Limbo.

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Can a person crawl out of their own skin?
I would give anything to tear this skin off me. 
The sight of who I am in the mirror is enough to make me cry.
For all I am is unwanted, even by my own reflection.
My view of life is blurry and so are my emotions.
I no longer want to be this, here, now. 
Never have I been so hated by the one I love. 
I feel this dark attachment to the limbo that I am in. 
What hurts the most is when I take a step  closer to you,
you take a step back. You find it a beautiful dance.
while I stand internally bleeding with longing.
I do not want to love you anymore. 
Truth be told, I do not blame you.
to ask anyone to want me, is not an easy thing to do.
For all that I am, is empty. 
Its sad, really.
I am stuck in limbo that is my mind. 
its about time I finally admit it.
I am sad.